This morning

I don't even know where to begin. I got cocky, I went to Tesco to grab a couple of bits thinking I could trap him in the pram. Arrived, opened the boot, no pram. I had a bowl of dry cereal in my bag so I bribed him into the seat of the trolley with it and started rushing around the shop. He started to get cross so I got him an Ellas kitchen fruit pouch to eat in the trolley, he finished it super quickly so I gave him another one, this is where it all started to go wrong. He squirted the whole pouch all over himself, the trolley, the floor and me. As this was unfolding the shop tannoy went with the staff member saying 'Staff announcement, this is a code 6!' Staff started walking quickly towards me saying 'ooh code 6!!' (At this point I assumed Code 6 meant small ginger terrorist on aisle 7 needs to be ejected from the store immediately! It didn't, they walked past us with disgusted looks on their faces when they saw the state of us.) I baby wiped everything as much as I could then carried on rushing as quickly as I could.  

Got to the tills and passed all the rubbish over to the cashier sheepishly, as I was unloading the trolley he climbed out and got on the conveyer belt and started jumping up and down, I whisked him off, plonked him back in the trolley and went to start packing the bags, he then climbed out again on to the bit where you pack your bags, at this point the cashier stood up and helped me pack 'ooh you've got your hands full with him haven't you!'... She has no idea. 

Get home, settled him down with a film and some snacks, decided to make some cupcakes and cookies, he was quiet which he normally is when he is watching a film so I thought I'd gotten away with it. How wrong I was. I nipped my head round the corner to check on him and was faced with this...

You can't see the full extent of it here but it's basically pear juice, apple juice and squashed pear all over him, the bench, table and floor and he started dipping Woody's boots in it and crushing the pear with them. 

I grabbed the kitchen roll, dettol wipes and cloth and started cleaning it up (whilst possibly shouting a few profanities) and he wandered off laughing and treading sticky pear fit throughout the house, I stripped him down to his nappy and ran upstairs to get him more clothes then came down to this...

No he didn't have a monkey on his bum, I've added that to try and save some of his dignity, but he had whipped his nappy off and was looking very pleased with himself about it. I put another one on him, got him dressed, mopped the floor which was now ridiculously sticky and then went to find him again, he had opened the boxes under the stairs with his birthday presents in and thrown the clean pile of clothes that was on the stairs waiting to go up all over the hallway. At this point I gave up, we have now come to sit down in the lounge and watch Tangled. My days of attempting to be a domestic goddess are over before the had even begun.

The good news is it's nearly nap time for him! Hurrah! 

The even better news is the cupcakes I made are amazing and paleo which basically means I can eat them all in one go whilst he sleeps! 

Can you believe it's only sodding Tuesday.